Do you know the feeling when a perfect image inside your head is split across?
Did the shattered pieces pierce on your heart that it left you all empty?
This feeling makes me cry for hours and then sometimes I couldn’t shed a tear.
The ache is strong to put it out in words.
I am at the crossroads and I have been witnessing the cracks already.
I am not sure whom I should lay my trust on,
my beliefs, my ideologies or the facts that lay down before me.
If I unravel the truth, my soul will be in tatters.
I don down this happy exterior, a façade to hide the inner agony
Forgiveness is the key, they say, to unshackle my mind from the terrifying thoughts.
However, I don’t want to. I ignore the situation beforehand.
I refuse to believe the portrayal and choose to hang there, too afraid to let go.
He is a beautiful Cancerian, my man, so sensitive.
He understands emotions so much better than me, he sees me suffering and wants to break down the walls I stay in, only to meet disappointment.
He is supposed to be my safe harbor, a haven, to escape the brutal realities
but the storms I am facing aren’t easy to tame.
Because It is my grief, my own; I need to face it myself.
In spite of facing the demons alone, I think of him as a privilege.
With him, I want to put a pause on time and undue the damage.
Tell him every unsaid word.
Too exhausted at this juncture, I have begun to trust the universe, to unfold a path for me.
I am hopeful about the arrival of sunrise to break the silences which dusk left behind.